I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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