**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
