Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Randomize
