Need sex. Gaining weight.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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