Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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