??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
