dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
And then my night got REAL pukey
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
