I think I won the penis lottery.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
