thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
