ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
