you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
