Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
