He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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