Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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