you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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