You smell like a Billy Joel song
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
