Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
