I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
being pregnant is like rehab
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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