Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
