I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
