capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
