I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
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