If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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