I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
