I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
