i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Let's get the cat blown out
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
