White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
