I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
