god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
