he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
