Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
