I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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