It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize