Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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