i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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