yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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