No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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