I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
