I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
