you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
