I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
