I think i peed on brittanys purse
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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