I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Randomize
