Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
