she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
