I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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