She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
