I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
