Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
