Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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