Having a random hookup so left but love u
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
