Don't you send me to vm
I got chris browned last night
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
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