it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Apparently you make a good broom.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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