Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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