he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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