It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
