I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
