i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
