You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
