Screwed.edu
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
