You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
