It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
