So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
