Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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