i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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