at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
