Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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